I like my coffee just like my men, completely away from my vagina.
i stepped on the scale today and it said “bat”
it took me a few seconds to realize it meant the battery was out, but before i realized that i just said “i am not a bat” out loud
HE KNOCKED THE BUCKET OFF
AND THERE WAS ANOTHER BUCKET UNDERNEATH
*almost chokes on food* *keeps eating*
do you ever look at someone you used to be good friends with and cringe
my teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said, “at the end of this ruler is an idiot.” i got detention after asking which end
I LOOK AWAY FOR ONE DAMN MOMENT
wow i… this actually made me feel better.